Any call from the “fraud department” of anything will make your stomach clench.
When my credit card company said my account showed unusual charges, and went through them one by one, I knew immediately they were right.
I didn’t buy those things. And I never was at the place where someone else bought them…with my card. I also knew my card was in my wallet and not lost.
I’ve lost my card before, left it in a gas pump. Some trustworthy soul got it back to me. But I hadn’t lost it this time. It was never out of my sight. Or was it?
Dealing as a victim with credit card fraud helps me understand how much of our society functions on trust. And how much trust we’ve lost.
Sitting in a restaurant, we casually drop our credit card onto the little folio that contains our bill. The wait staff takes the card out of our sight, debits our account for the agreed upon amount, and returns the card to us. Right? With no shenanigans while it was out of our sight?
We trust that is so.
We trust a car zooming toward us at 60 miles per hour on a two-lane road, separated from us by only the width of a painted line, to stay in its lane.
As a cyclist, I trust cars and trucks zooming up from behind to see me and wait for an opening to pass without running me off the road.
We trust our produce in the grocery store – laying shiny and naked under bright lights and a misting spray – to be clean and pesticide residue free.
We trust the preacher to interpret the Word correctly when s/he admonishes us and encourages us righteous living. We trust that no one will burst into the service with a gun and kill us en masse.
We trust our spouse to be faithful to his/her vows; our children to tell us the truth; our boss to be fair; our car not to break down; our gauges to tell us how many miles we have left until empty; youth ministers not to molest teenagers; doctors to know what they’re talking about; the gas line into our house not to leak; our politicians not to lie. Oh, wait…
In 1992, we hosted some new Brazilian friends during a professional exchange relating to residential child care. These were worldly wise, educated people from a modern society so this country did not present for them some marvelous revelation of a splendiferous world to which they could only aspire.
But one thing really amazed them: self-serve gas stations. That would never work in Brazil, they said, because people would just drive off. Here, we trusted people to pump their gas, return the hose to its position, walk into the station and pay for the gas they just pumped into their vehicle.
This was before the ubiquitous use of credit cards to “pay at the pump.” We don’t trust people not to drive off anymore. If you’re not paying with a credit card, you have to pay before you pump.
While we lament the departure of trust in our society, we’ve earned its loss. Spouses aren’t faithful, corporations don’t care about their employees, ministers do shatter lives, unlocked cars are victimized, politicians remain politicians.
As trust erodes, we shrink. We stay inside, we hover, we watch and worry, we grow callous and cynical. When we can’t trust the world, we avoid it, rather than explore and embrace it.
And yet, think about how much we actually depend on trust for our society to continue to run smoothly.
We stay in our lanes, put letters into a mailbox, loan a neighbor a tool, send our kids to camp, swim in a community pool, proceed on a green light, flip on the switch, gather in crowds, eat food we didn’t prepare, purchase online, believe what we’re told.
We’re still naïve enough to be shattered when someone abuses our trust. Except, it’s becoming so common we’re getting hardened to it. We avoid disappointment by lowering our expectations. Rather than trusting them, when those persons who command the daily headlines declare – with aplomb and bombast – that they alone hold our best interests at heart, it’s time to lock your doors, hold onto your wallets, and huddle the children beneath your arms.